For Unto Us a Child Is Born, and his name shall be called Vaughn

Currently I am sitting in my apartment, as I watch Angelica go through contraction after contraction trying to advance far enough to where she can finally give birth to Vaughn "Bon Bare Baby" Charles Nash. Needless to say its intense, and that's an understatement. I thought I would take this time that I have sitting alone, with nothing to do but watch the events in front of me unravel themselves like a movie, to write about the events as they are going on as well as express some of my own thoughts of becoming a new father, while being here in Amman, Jordan.

Sitting in an apartment on the other side of the world, in probably on of the furthest points away from my wife possible before I start moving closer, thousands of miles away, as she goes through the pain, is an experience in an of itself. It is a feeling of concern, worry, and helplessness knowing that there is nothing that I can do to make the experience any better or in any way really support my wife other than ask how are you doing, and wave at her occasionally. The only thing that I can do is sit here and watch.

Its hard to explain, and perhaps I might realize in a couple years when another baby comes along that my feelings of being helpless are just a normal part of the father's emotions as he watches his wife battle through the pain, which will eventually bring about a new little human being. Who knows? What I do know is that I don't like it. The feeling of watching and helplessness is that of having your heart ripped out, each time you hear your wife moan and writhe with pain at the onslaught of each and every new contraction, knowing you are incapable of removing the pain or even sharing in it in the slightest. Heck, I don't even get to have my hand crushed by her as she goes through the contractions and share in it that way.

The last couple of months, as I've been here in Jordan, I've had lots of time to reflect on the subject of becoming a father and what all that entails. Each week in church there has been something new to reflect on or to be shocked about that makes me feel so unprepared to become a dad. I see things going on around me and think is that what I want for my child when he is older. Along with that are a number of other countless emotions of happiness and joy in the prospect of having my own little buddy to hang out with, to sorrow at missing his birth and not being there for those first moments where he breaths in his first few breaths of life, to concern as I worry about how I am going to support my family in the future, knowing how the world economy is failing and most areas of employment for my field of study have been cut off while I have been going through school, to confusion of wondering how I am supposed to raise a child, when I myself still feel like a child in so many ways.

Of all these feelings, emotions, and thoughts that have swirled around in my head over the last couple months, the most relevant of them are those which revolve around my duty as patriarch of my family to lead and direct our home. I think the most moving thought I had was when I watched a father in the branch here in Amman, confirm his son a member of the church after he was baptized, and realizing that when I get home it will fall on me and be my opportunity to give my son his very first blessing, and to give him his name that he will be known by forever. As I sat there thought about that I remembered talking to my brother David, prior to his blessing Colton, and asking him how he felt about doing the blessing. The response that I remember him giving me was that, "He had thought about all the things that he wanted to bless Colton with, and had thought about what he wanted his son to have, and telling me he was worried to include something that he shouldn't or to exclude something that he should have included." As I sat in church after the confirmation I had that same thought enter my head about what things, I wanted to bless Vaughn with, and what things did I want for him as he grew and progressed through his life? I don't think I ever concluded on anything, other than that I wanted him to have a home where he knew he was loved and that was centered on the gospel.

I know that there are lots of other things that I want him to have: friends, an education, to be smart, to be healthy, to have trials to make him strong, to have faith of his own, to get married one day and start his own family, to be kept from the evil influences of the world. However, after thinking about all the things that I could give him, and that I hope to be able to give him, I decided that the most important of those was that he knew that he is loved and that the Gospel is important to his family. I felt this was the most important because I know that these two things will have the greatest impact on his life for good. More so than any education, more than all the friends in the world. I know that if he knows I and Angelica love him, then he will strive to do what is best for him. That he will be able to have the strength and support to work through any trial, hardship, or difficulty that he may face. I knew that if he knows that our home is centered in the Gospel, then it will become an important part of his life and he will find strength to keep going knowing that the truths of the gospel. I felt that above else, these two things would keep my son safe and happy as he grows and matures.

It has now been about 7 hours since I found out that my wife had gone into labor and had been accepted into the hospital (I prefer accepted as opposed to admitted). During which time Norma Juarez, our good friend who Angelica was living with over the last three months, and my Mom, have been really very helpful and very attentive to helping and supporting Angelica. During the time, I have to say Norma kept saying that Angelica was gonna be done by 5:30 a.m. while I kept saying the baby was going to wait for Angelica's parents to arrive from California. At the present time of me writing this, lets just say that Norma has lost by over an hour and I am getting closer and closer to being right. Which I am almost 100% sure that Vaughn will not arrive until after Angelica's parents arrive. Call it a hunch, call it knowing my son, call it a Father's instinct, call it what you will...I am sure he won't come until after they arrive at the hospital. I have decided that when they do finally arrive, I want my Father-in-law to receive the baby, and to take my place in the room. This is for a couple of reasons. The first of them is that this will be his first grandson from his loins. Although Angelica's siblings have children, they are from her mom's first husband, whereas Angelica is from her father. For that reason alone I feel he should have the right to be the one to see this new little baby arrive, and to fill my place. Aside from that...he is a man, and since I am a man, I think it is only reasonable that he be the one to fill my place.

Around 7:10 a.m. Alex, Norma's husband showed up to give a blessing to Angelica, since she was having a hard time with advancing to the point where she could finally give birth. For most of the day she was stuck at a 5 and then finally progressed to a 6, where she stayed for many hours, even after they gave her some meds to help speed up the process. After about 3 hours of intense pain, and difficulty breathing, Angelica finally received a small dose a medicine to help "take the edge off" as the nurse put it; however, it wasn't an epidural. At about 7 hours and 20 mins she finally had reached the point where they could call the doctor to come and deliver baby Vaughn, and only about 20 mins after Alex's blessing, Angelica was able to start pushing little Vaughn out of her and into the hands of our Doctor, Dr. Shelly.

After 8 hours of labor, Vaughn Charles Nash was born at 7:45 a.m. 11/22/11 almost exactly 8 hours after Angelica was accepted to the hospital, and weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and is 19.5 in long. He looks like his mom, and as I am told since I couldn't see very well he has double dimples. My mom cut the umbilical chord, while Norma held the Ipad in place so that I could watch the whole process of Vaughn being born. I was wrong as well...Angelica's parents didn't make it before Vaughn was born, but they were very close, and arrived shortly after Vaughn was born. After a long night for Angelica and a long day for me, little Vaughn finally came. I was able to skype with Angelica the entire time, and at the moment it has been 7 hours 10 minutes and 31 seconds of straight skyping with a small break after the first hour so that I could brush my teeth and what not. It has been an eventful and long day.

Pictures of Baby Vaughn will be posted shortly, once we have them.