This last week I was invited by one of my friends Sahim Al-haraizah who is part of one of the tribes here in Jordan. As a result last night I went with my roommate Matt Martin, and our friends Sahim and Thamer Al-Khalayleh to the wedding. The wedding was located out in the country side about 30 mins away from the University of Jordan campus, however it took us a little bit longer to get there seeing as how we were going by mini bus to the area.
We first met up with our friends at the University since we had no idea where we going for this wedding, and for that matter, no idea how to get there even if we did know where it was. As a result we traveled with our new best friends here in Jordan by mini bus from the University to some other district of the city. While on this first bus, we almost hit a few pedestrians, and then cut off a large truck as the driver was trying to turn onto a small little street. Once we safely arrived at the destination of this bus we walked about 5 minutes, crossed a bridge and then waited for another mini bus to come that would then take us closer to our final destination. After about 5 or 10 minutes of waiting and a quick snack provided by our friends, which was essentially a Mexican sweet bread with a sweet date pudding type filling, we hopped on the next bus and headed out to our next destination.
Here something must be said about the modes of transportation, especially for those people who haven't spent any time outside of the US. In Jordan, there are essentially four ways of public transportation: 1) The taxi which you tell where you want to go and he takes you there for a small fee. 2) A taxi which runs on a circuit and so you essentially get into the taxi and go where the taxi wants to go and then you get out somewhere along his circuit. 3) The mini buses which are essentially the same idea as the 2nd taxi, which is they run on a circuit and you get on at a stop and then get off along the route of the mini bus. Finally 4) The large long distance buses which will take you from city to city and have a designated stop and designated beginning. Now with regards to option 2 and 3 essentially, you have no control over the circuit that they take so even though there may be a direct route by walking down the road 3 blocks to your destination, you may hop on one of these modes of transportation and turn a 10 minute walk into a 30 min vehicle ride. That being said lets go back to the narration of the event.
After hopping on the second mini bus with our friends we then rode it for about an hour or and hour and a half, until we arrived out in the middle of nowhere in the country side, and our friends told us we were getting off here. So following them and following their example we got of the bus and then proceeded to walk about another 30 minutes to our final destination of the Wedding. When we had left, it was still light outside, and I could see everything around me. By the time that we arrived to the wedding it was basically pitch black and you could only see the lights that had been turned on around the area.
The country side where the wedding was held was actually very beautiful and stunning. It reminded a lot of the olive orchards in California and somewhat of Southern Utah. As we came walking over the hill and down into the valley where the wedding was we saw what looked similar to a small fair set up, there were towers with light strung all over the place. And all around the area was what the beddu call bait isshar, literally the house of hair. Essentially the bait isshar is the traditional beddu tent that the people live in, and they call it that because it is made form the hair of goats, sheep, and camels, from what I understand. Under the tent was set up enough chairs for roughly 1000-2000 people, all of which would be family, relatives, and close friends to the groom and bride.
The event we went to specifically was equivalent to the same thing as white person wedding reception, where everyone sits around and talks and waits for the arrival of the groom in order to congratulate him and then they leave, the only difference is that this was specifically just for the men. The women were in another are the whole time that was set apart for them. So in the aspect that it was like a white reception, the night was a little boring, and my dear friend Sahim was sorely upset. He was in a bad mood the whole night, because when he invited us he was thinking that there would be more of a celebration going on with live music and dancing, etc. However, I found that the night was really very pleasant, and I felt I learned much more about the bedu culture than I would have other wise. For example, traditional bedu weddings last for an entire week, from Friday night until Thursday night. Each night there is a large celebration with music, dancing, food, etc all in celebration of the couple getting married. On the seventh night, Thursday, which was the one I went to, the couple finally are officially married and finally "see each other" for the first time. As a result the name of the night is the night of Idkhala from the root of dakhl which means to enter. I don't think I need to be any more explicit.
When we first arrived to the wedding I asked my friend Thamer if there was anything that I was expected to do or if there was anything that if I didn't do it I would offend the hosts. He promptly told me no, and that I didn't need to worry about anything. Then he said, oh put your camera away while we enter because you need to shake everyones hands as we walk in and tell them Salam Allaykum (Peace be upon you). So I did, then as we passed them I was offered Arab coffee which I had to decline. Then we went and sat down under the tent while we waited for the groom to show up to be congratulated. While we sat there we talked about different things, and met a few different people. It was all very pleasant. All the while being offered Arab coffee. Which as I talked with my friends I learned that it essentially is the way of showing hospitality to the guests, and that the quests are really expected to drink it, but in mine and my roommates situation it was understood that we didn't drink. After many questions about our faith, and many vague answers which went into no detail what so ever a few explanations about why we didn't talk about it the groom and his party showed up.
About an hour and a half after we arrived the groom showed up. He was being carried on top of a chair, and surrounded by close friends and family all singing, and playing drums, and hoisting him up in the air as the proceeded to the tent. The whole procession and event of carrying the groom to the tent on this night and then back to his home where he will finally "see" his wife, is called Zafa. I don't know what that means, but it is happy and exciting and rather fun to watch. About a half hour after that a taxi drove up and into the event full of people who were in charge of bringing water to the event and so that was interesting to see, and rather comical. Then about another half hour to an hour after that we finally left the wedding.
On the way out of the wedding I was introduced to the uncle of the Groom who was helping to host the event with the Groom's father. When he met me I was told to speak in English with him because he had been to America three times and he spoke English. Which he did rather well, except that he kept calling the grooms the brides, so I thought that was a little funny, but I didn't feel the need to correct him. Anyways, while we were trying to leave he asked if we had had any Arab coffee, to which he was told no, and so he insisted that I have some. He explained to me that "Everyone drinks Arab coffee, otherwise you know that they are trying to stab you in the back." So he took my hand, which he had been holding for quite some time at this point (its very normal for Arab men to hold each others hands, arms, etc as they walk down the street) and led me over to where the coffee was being made. At this point my roommate Matt ditched me and slipped off to talk with the kids, and left me alone to try and explain why I couldn't drink the coffee from this man. My attempt at excusing myself didn't work. I tried to explain that it was against my religion, to which he asked what religion and I said "Mormon." So he said "Christian?" And I said, "Yes." He then replied, "Oh, well then its ok, we are all essentially the same religion anyways." and then continued to lead me over to the coffee, at which point in desperation I yelled out to my dear friend Thamer for help. At which point he then came up and helped to explain to the man that coffee in my religion is Haram (forbidden). Thankfully the man understood and dropped the issue but then asked me, "Well, then what do you drink?" So, I told him "I drink water, milk, juice," and then he interrupted me and asked, "Soda?" I told him "Yes, I drink soda." At that he was very happy and told me "Ok, tomorrow when you come for the feast we will have soda for you to drink. I would give it to you here, but we don't have any." I told him that was just fine. He then walked me back down to the entrance of the event holding my hand, and told me that he was giving me a special invitation to come to the feast the following day. Unfortunately, I didn't get to go, because our friends who would have taken us both ended up not being able to go.
Following my near escape of offense and coffee drinking, Thamer explained to me that in their culture there is a saying that goes something like this: "When the old man speaks (offers or insists) there is no room for argument." He said that he had basically told the man that coffee was haram in our religion and that we were very lucky that he understood and dropped the matter. Let's just say I was very grateful for that, I don't know what I would have done, I guess I would have had to offend the man. We then walked back out the way we had come, and stopped shortly at another one of our friend's home, where we lounged and I drank juice and water, while they drank tea. However, when I arrived there my stomach, which had not been feeling good all day finally decided that it was time to die or kill me. So I asked to use the bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, I was shocked and horrified to learn that they just had a squat spot. After deciding that I just had to man up and relieve myself, I soon realized that there was no TP and no bidet with which to clean myself. All that existed was a small spigot and a couple of jugs that looked like watering pots for gardening. After much debate I decided to use the jug as best I could and not my hand (which is traditionally normal, and is always the left hand which is why you never sit to eat with thieves), since I realized that I wasn't sure there was a sink outside of this little room where I could wash my hands with soap and water. So I tried my best to clean myself off and then just hoped that I didn't smell or still have any inside that would squish around. I am glad to say that I got myself clean.
Following our visit at Anwer's home we took several very Arab pictures and then uploaded one of them to facebook. On that note, I have to explain that having an Arab friend in much more high maintenance than a girlfriend or spouse because they really demand a lot of attention, and sometimes act very much like a girlfriend would, wanting to take all sorts of photos together and then uploading them to facebook immediately. But, its all culture, and last tonight was full of it.
We first met up with our friends at the University since we had no idea where we going for this wedding, and for that matter, no idea how to get there even if we did know where it was. As a result we traveled with our new best friends here in Jordan by mini bus from the University to some other district of the city. While on this first bus, we almost hit a few pedestrians, and then cut off a large truck as the driver was trying to turn onto a small little street. Once we safely arrived at the destination of this bus we walked about 5 minutes, crossed a bridge and then waited for another mini bus to come that would then take us closer to our final destination. After about 5 or 10 minutes of waiting and a quick snack provided by our friends, which was essentially a Mexican sweet bread with a sweet date pudding type filling, we hopped on the next bus and headed out to our next destination.
Here something must be said about the modes of transportation, especially for those people who haven't spent any time outside of the US. In Jordan, there are essentially four ways of public transportation: 1) The taxi which you tell where you want to go and he takes you there for a small fee. 2) A taxi which runs on a circuit and so you essentially get into the taxi and go where the taxi wants to go and then you get out somewhere along his circuit. 3) The mini buses which are essentially the same idea as the 2nd taxi, which is they run on a circuit and you get on at a stop and then get off along the route of the mini bus. Finally 4) The large long distance buses which will take you from city to city and have a designated stop and designated beginning. Now with regards to option 2 and 3 essentially, you have no control over the circuit that they take so even though there may be a direct route by walking down the road 3 blocks to your destination, you may hop on one of these modes of transportation and turn a 10 minute walk into a 30 min vehicle ride. That being said lets go back to the narration of the event.After hopping on the second mini bus with our friends we then rode it for about an hour or and hour and a half, until we arrived out in the middle of nowhere in the country side, and our friends told us we were getting off here. So following them and following their example we got of the bus and then proceeded to walk about another 30 minutes to our final destination of the Wedding. When we had left, it was still light outside, and I could see everything around me. By the time that we arrived to the wedding it was basically pitch black and you could only see the lights that had been turned on around the area.
The country side where the wedding was held was actually very beautiful and stunning. It reminded a lot of the olive orchards in California and somewhat of Southern Utah. As we came walking over the hill and down into the valley where the wedding was we saw what looked similar to a small fair set up, there were towers with light strung all over the place. And all around the area was what the beddu call bait isshar, literally the house of hair. Essentially the bait isshar is the traditional beddu tent that the people live in, and they call it that because it is made form the hair of goats, sheep, and camels, from what I understand. Under the tent was set up enough chairs for roughly 1000-2000 people, all of which would be family, relatives, and close friends to the groom and bride.
The event we went to specifically was equivalent to the same thing as white person wedding reception, where everyone sits around and talks and waits for the arrival of the groom in order to congratulate him and then they leave, the only difference is that this was specifically just for the men. The women were in another are the whole time that was set apart for them. So in the aspect that it was like a white reception, the night was a little boring, and my dear friend Sahim was sorely upset. He was in a bad mood the whole night, because when he invited us he was thinking that there would be more of a celebration going on with live music and dancing, etc. However, I found that the night was really very pleasant, and I felt I learned much more about the bedu culture than I would have other wise. For example, traditional bedu weddings last for an entire week, from Friday night until Thursday night. Each night there is a large celebration with music, dancing, food, etc all in celebration of the couple getting married. On the seventh night, Thursday, which was the one I went to, the couple finally are officially married and finally "see each other" for the first time. As a result the name of the night is the night of Idkhala from the root of dakhl which means to enter. I don't think I need to be any more explicit.When we first arrived to the wedding I asked my friend Thamer if there was anything that I was expected to do or if there was anything that if I didn't do it I would offend the hosts. He promptly told me no, and that I didn't need to worry about anything. Then he said, oh put your camera away while we enter because you need to shake everyones hands as we walk in and tell them Salam Allaykum (Peace be upon you). So I did, then as we passed them I was offered Arab coffee which I had to decline. Then we went and sat down under the tent while we waited for the groom to show up to be congratulated. While we sat there we talked about different things, and met a few different people. It was all very pleasant. All the while being offered Arab coffee. Which as I talked with my friends I learned that it essentially is the way of showing hospitality to the guests, and that the quests are really expected to drink it, but in mine and my roommates situation it was understood that we didn't drink. After many questions about our faith, and many vague answers which went into no detail what so ever a few explanations about why we didn't talk about it the groom and his party showed up.
About an hour and a half after we arrived the groom showed up. He was being carried on top of a chair, and surrounded by close friends and family all singing, and playing drums, and hoisting him up in the air as the proceeded to the tent. The whole procession and event of carrying the groom to the tent on this night and then back to his home where he will finally "see" his wife, is called Zafa. I don't know what that means, but it is happy and exciting and rather fun to watch. About a half hour after that a taxi drove up and into the event full of people who were in charge of bringing water to the event and so that was interesting to see, and rather comical. Then about another half hour to an hour after that we finally left the wedding.
On the way out of the wedding I was introduced to the uncle of the Groom who was helping to host the event with the Groom's father. When he met me I was told to speak in English with him because he had been to America three times and he spoke English. Which he did rather well, except that he kept calling the grooms the brides, so I thought that was a little funny, but I didn't feel the need to correct him. Anyways, while we were trying to leave he asked if we had had any Arab coffee, to which he was told no, and so he insisted that I have some. He explained to me that "Everyone drinks Arab coffee, otherwise you know that they are trying to stab you in the back." So he took my hand, which he had been holding for quite some time at this point (its very normal for Arab men to hold each others hands, arms, etc as they walk down the street) and led me over to where the coffee was being made. At this point my roommate Matt ditched me and slipped off to talk with the kids, and left me alone to try and explain why I couldn't drink the coffee from this man. My attempt at excusing myself didn't work. I tried to explain that it was against my religion, to which he asked what religion and I said "Mormon." So he said "Christian?" And I said, "Yes." He then replied, "Oh, well then its ok, we are all essentially the same religion anyways." and then continued to lead me over to the coffee, at which point in desperation I yelled out to my dear friend Thamer for help. At which point he then came up and helped to explain to the man that coffee in my religion is Haram (forbidden). Thankfully the man understood and dropped the issue but then asked me, "Well, then what do you drink?" So, I told him "I drink water, milk, juice," and then he interrupted me and asked, "Soda?" I told him "Yes, I drink soda." At that he was very happy and told me "Ok, tomorrow when you come for the feast we will have soda for you to drink. I would give it to you here, but we don't have any." I told him that was just fine. He then walked me back down to the entrance of the event holding my hand, and told me that he was giving me a special invitation to come to the feast the following day. Unfortunately, I didn't get to go, because our friends who would have taken us both ended up not being able to go.
Following my near escape of offense and coffee drinking, Thamer explained to me that in their culture there is a saying that goes something like this: "When the old man speaks (offers or insists) there is no room for argument." He said that he had basically told the man that coffee was haram in our religion and that we were very lucky that he understood and dropped the matter. Let's just say I was very grateful for that, I don't know what I would have done, I guess I would have had to offend the man. We then walked back out the way we had come, and stopped shortly at another one of our friend's home, where we lounged and I drank juice and water, while they drank tea. However, when I arrived there my stomach, which had not been feeling good all day finally decided that it was time to die or kill me. So I asked to use the bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, I was shocked and horrified to learn that they just had a squat spot. After deciding that I just had to man up and relieve myself, I soon realized that there was no TP and no bidet with which to clean myself. All that existed was a small spigot and a couple of jugs that looked like watering pots for gardening. After much debate I decided to use the jug as best I could and not my hand (which is traditionally normal, and is always the left hand which is why you never sit to eat with thieves), since I realized that I wasn't sure there was a sink outside of this little room where I could wash my hands with soap and water. So I tried my best to clean myself off and then just hoped that I didn't smell or still have any inside that would squish around. I am glad to say that I got myself clean.
Following our visit at Anwer's home we took several very Arab pictures and then uploaded one of them to facebook. On that note, I have to explain that having an Arab friend in much more high maintenance than a girlfriend or spouse because they really demand a lot of attention, and sometimes act very much like a girlfriend would, wanting to take all sorts of photos together and then uploading them to facebook immediately. But, its all culture, and last tonight was full of it.
That grove of trees in the countryside is beautiful! I would love to do a photo shoot there!
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